Been awhile…. I’m still here….

Life certainly moves on and time flies by when you’re not really paying attention.   HI!    It’s been quite a while since I”ve posted, I see.  Since I just finished with my radioactive iodine treatment.  Crazy.  I’m still here! lol.  I don’t even know where to start… so I”m going to RAMBLE. What’s new right?

At this exact time, I’m a little tired. I’ve switched shifts at work, and now work 12 hour days. 7 p to 7 a. And I can’t always fall asleep during the day, so exhaustion is my middle name.  I think I”m always tired. Sometimes I think I could just sleep my life away.  I fall asleep standing up. I fall asleep sitting down. I fall asleep during movies. LOL  Funny there…. I took Luca to a movie. It ended, and she looked at me.  She said “Nana, are you awake?” I said “Yes, Luca, I am”  She said very exhuberantly, with a bit of proudness in her voice, “GOOD JOB. You stayed awake for the WHOLE MOVIE”  Yeah. Story of my life.

My medicine is still being adjusted as my numbers are still off. I’m still hypo, which is not good.  (I”m supposed to be hyper to keep my metabolism up and my cancer away) Hopefully my body starts absorbing the medicine and I get to where I”m supposed to be. Hypo is not fun. I”m always tired. My braindeadedness is just awful.  I hurt. I ache.  I could go on. But, I think I”ve already complained too much as it is.  I feel a little better than 3 months ago. My calcium and Vitamin D levels are up, so that’s helping with the cramping and aching a little bit.  My voice is still there.  I get hoarse. I get squeaky. I can sing a LITTLE BIT if it’s very quiet and in a lower octave. But, not much in the way of range. LOL I’ll start singing along to a song, and I’ll get a line out.. and then I can’t sing the rest…   But, I can speak, and I can even yell a little bit now. So… improvement bit by bit.  There’s still hope that someday I’ll sing again. I realize it’s only for myself and it’s selfish, but… those of you who do things for yourself will understand!

I learn every day that doctors are asshats. They just don’t get it.  Thyroid cancer is one of the most frustrating things ever.  To have to deal with US insurance, the FDA, and all of the crap that goes along with it is just irritating. Doctors go by numbers not people.  The pharmaceutical companies own the government, limiting our medication options.  It’s a fight.  I’m glad to say that I’ve learned so much and that I have a great resource of other thyca friends out there that help me out with information.  Advocate for yourself. Research.  It’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

I am a bit of a loner. And loser… lol I don’t do much except for work and spend time with family. I admit I”ve been a really bad friend because I don’t take the time to talk to my friends like I should. They stick by me and love me so much, and I’m just too tired all the time.  I’ve got to work on that. That’s my goal… lol I hope I can accomplish it.

There’s really nothing new. Bloodwork every six weeks. Tube down the nose and throat every six months (Boy that’s fun) Ultrasounds and biopsies.  Full body scans. I should buy stock in Dean Insurance. ROFL.

 

I’m still not considered in “remission” as I still have cancer markers in my blood. We will see how the med change and time works on that.  One day at a time. Some days are ok. Some days really suck. But each day is a day that I’m so grateful I’m here. So even when I feel like shit and just want to crawl into a hole…..   Well, maybe not at the exact moment….   I’m grateful I’m here. It could be worse. It could be so much worse. So, I deal with myself. I deal with what I have and who I am. I try to get through each day. I try to keep exercising. Keep working. Keep eating healthy.  And live… because I have a lot to live for!

 

I’ve lost friends and family to cancer. Some losses more recent.  And I still am of the firm opinion that CANCER SUCKS.

 

It does.  It sucks. But you know what? It doesn’t always win… I’m going to keep kicking it’s ass to the curb!

 

 

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